輕松趣味英語(yǔ)笑話
輕松趣味英語(yǔ)笑話
“哪里有人,哪里就有笑聲。”從古到今,笑話是人們生活中不可缺少的“調(diào)劑品”。笑話使人們?cè)诳贪宓纳钪懈械揭唤z快意和放松，在人們的日常生活中起著重要調(diào)劑作用。下面學(xué)習(xí)啦小編為大家?guī)?lái)輕松趣味英語(yǔ)笑話，歡迎大家閱讀!
輕松趣味英語(yǔ)笑話：離婚
John had waited for months to get a divorce and now he was free from his domineering wife.
"Free at last!" he screamed, throwing his divorce papers into the air. "Now, I can eat when I want to, watch television when I want to."
Two months later John was found being escorted to jail by a police officer.
A shocked friend, on seeing poor John hand-cuffed, asked, "John, why are you under arrest? I thought your troubles were over when you divorced your wife."
"I couldn't pay my alimony," related John sadly.
"Why couldn't you pay your alimony?"
"My ex-wife has custody of the money and my business."
約翰等了好幾個(gè)月才離婚，現(xiàn)在他終于擺脫了他專橫的妻子。
“終于自由了。”他尖叫著，把離婚協(xié)議書(shū)拋到空中，“現(xiàn)在，我想吃就吃，想看電視就看電視。”
兩個(gè)月后，有人發(fā)現(xiàn)約翰被警官帶進(jìn)了監(jiān)獄。
一個(gè)朋友看見(jiàn)可憐的約翰戴著手銬，感到很震驚，問(wèn)道：“約翰，你為什么被捕了?我以為你和你妻子離婚了就沒(méi)什么麻煩了。”
“我付不起我的贍養(yǎng)費(fèi)。”約翰傷心地回答。
“你為什么付不起你的贍養(yǎng)費(fèi)呢?”
“我前妻掌握了我的財(cái)產(chǎn)和生意啊。”
輕松趣味英語(yǔ)笑話：誰(shuí)更丑
Abraham Lincoln, President of the United States, was not very handsome, and he knew.
One day, Lincoln was walking in the street when he was stopped by an ugly man. The man had apistol in his hand. He aimed at Lincoln's nose. Lincoln was very surprised, but he pretended to be calm. He asked the man, "What do you want, sir?"
"I have promised myself," said the man, "If I find a man who is uglier than I, I'll kill him."
Lincoln looked at the man's face carefully and said eagerly. "Please take aim at me, sir. If I was uglier than you, I would not want to live."
美國(guó)總統(tǒng)亞伯拉罕·林肯長(zhǎng)得不算英俊，這他自己也知道。
一天，林肯正在街上散步，這時(shí)他突然被一個(gè)丑人攔住了。那個(gè)人手中拿著槍，瞄準(zhǔn)林肯的鼻子。林肯非常驚訝，但是他假裝鎮(zhèn)靜自若。他問(wèn)那個(gè)人：“先生，你想干什么?”
“我答應(yīng)過(guò)自己，”那個(gè)人說(shuō)，“如果我找到一個(gè)比我更丑的人，我就斃了他。”
林肯仔細(xì)端詳那個(gè)人的臉，急切地說(shuō)，“請(qǐng)瞄準(zhǔn)我吧，如果我比你更丑，我也不想活了。”
輕松趣味英語(yǔ)笑話：我讓你拿的面包呢
Sam was near the end of his long life. His children stood by the bed, and they were waiting to hear his last words.
Finally, he said, "My children, your mother and I have been married for more than 50 years-and she can cook wonderfully. Even now I smell bread baking. Sarah, be good and go and get me a piece."
In a few minutes Sarah was back in the room. "Sarah," her father asked. "Where's the bread I asked you to get?" Mama says you can't have any, it's for the funeral tomorrow."
山姆的生命即將走到盡頭，他的子女們都站在床邊等著聽(tīng)父親的遺言。
最后他開(kāi)口說(shuō)道：“孩子們，你們的母親和我結(jié)婚50多年了，他的烹飪手藝簡(jiǎn)直棒極了?，F(xiàn)在我還能聞到烤面包的香味呢。薩拉，去給我拿一片吧。”
幾分鐘后，薩拉回到屋里，“薩拉，” 父親問(wèn)，“我讓你拿的面包呢?”“媽媽說(shuō)不能吃，這是為明天的葬禮準(zhǔn)備的。”
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