9個(gè)爆笑英語幽默故事

　　下面是學(xué)習(xí)啦小編整理的9個(gè)爆笑英語幽默故事，希望大家喜歡!

　　爆笑英語幽默故事1：The Looney Bin

　　Late one night at the insane asylum (瘋?cè)嗽?one inmate shouted, "I am Napoleon!”Another one said, "How do you know?"

　　The first inmate said, "God told me!"

　　Just then, a voice from another room shouted, "I did not!"

　　瘋?cè)嗽?/p>

　　一天晚上，在瘋?cè)嗽豪?，一個(gè)病人說：“我是拿破侖!”另一個(gè)說：“你怎么知道?”第一個(gè)人說：“上帝對(duì)我說的!”一會(huì)兒，一個(gè)聲音從另一個(gè)房間傳來：“我沒說!”

　　爆笑英語幽默故2：Boxing and Running

　　Dan is teaching his son how to box. As he does so, he left his friend, "This is a tough world, so I’m teaching my boy to fight."

　　Friend: "But suppose he comes up against someone much bigger than he is, who’s also been taught how to box."

　　Dan: "I’m teaching him how to run, too."

　　拳擊和賽跑

　　丹在教他的兒子怎樣拳擊。他告訴他的朋友：“這是一個(gè)粗暴的世界，所以我要教我的兒子怎么去拼搏。”

　　朋友：“如果他碰上的對(duì)手是一個(gè)比他高大，健壯而且也會(huì)拳擊的人怎么辦?”

　　丹：“我也會(huì)教他怎么樣賽跑呢。”

　　爆笑英語幽默故事3：

　　The warden of the prison felt sorry for one of his inmates because every weekend on Visitor’s Day, most of the prisoners had family members and friends coming, but poor George always sat alone in his cell.

　　So one Visitor’s Day, the warden called George to his office and said, "I notice you’ve never had any visitors, George." Sympathetic, he put his hand on George’s shoulder. "Tell me, don’t you have any friends or family?"

　　George replied, "Oh, sure I do, Warden. It’s just that they’re all in here!"

　　典獄長對(duì)獄中一位囚犯深感同情，因?yàn)槊糠曛苣┑奶皆L日，大多數(shù)囚犯都有家人或朋友來訪，但是可憐的喬治總是孤伶伶地坐在自己的囚室中。

　　因此在一個(gè)探訪日，典獄長把喬治叫到辦公室說：“喬治，我注意到從來沒有人來探望過你。”他滿懷同情地把手放在喬治的肩膀上：“告訴我，你沒有任何朋友或家人嗎?”

　　喬治回答：“喔!當(dāng)然有，典獄長，只不過他們?nèi)荚谶@里面!”

　　爆笑英語幽默故事4：

　　Policeman: Why didn't you shout for help when you were robbed of your watch?

　　Man: If I had opened my mouth, they'd have found my four gold teeth. That would be much worse.

　　警察：有人搶你的手表時(shí)，你為什么不呼救呢?

　　男子：要是我張口的話，他們就會(huì)發(fā)現(xiàn)我的四顆金牙。那就更糟了。

　　爆笑英語幽默故事5：

　　One day a visitor from the city came to a small rural area to drive around the country roads, see how the farms looked, and perhaps to see how farmers earned their living. The city man saw a farmer in his yard, holding a pig up in his hands, and lifting it so that the pig could eat apples from an apple tree. The city man said to the farmer," I see that your pig likes apples, but isn"t that quite a waste of time?" The farmer replied," What"s time to a pig?"

　　一天，有一個(gè)城市里的游客來到一個(gè)小鄉(xiāng)村，在鄉(xiāng)間路上開著車，想看看農(nóng)莊是什么樣子，也想看看農(nóng)夫怎樣種田過日子。這位城里人看見一位農(nóng)夫在宅后的草地 上，手中抱著一頭豬，并把它舉得高高的，好讓它能夠吃到樹上的蘋果。城里人對(duì)農(nóng)夫說，"我看你的豬挺喜歡吃蘋果的，但是，這不是很浪費(fèi)時(shí)間嗎?"那位農(nóng)夫 回答說，"時(shí)間對(duì)豬有什么意義?"

　　爆笑英語幽默故事6：

　　A shoplifter(商店扒手)51kxh.cn |was caught red-handed trying to steal a watch from a jewelry store. "Listen," said the shoplifter, "I know you don't want any trouble either. What do you say I just buy the watch, and we forget about this?"

　　The manager agreed and wrote up the sales slip. The crook(騙子，壞蛋) looked at the slip and said, "This is a little more than I intended to spend."

　　一個(gè)小偷在一家珠寶店企圖偷走一只手表的時(shí)候被當(dāng)場擒獲。“聽著，”小偷說，“我知道你們也不想惹麻煩。我把這只表買下，然后我們就當(dāng)什么也沒發(fā)生，你看怎樣?”

　　經(jīng)理表示同意，然后列了一張售貨單。小偷看著單子說道：“這比我最初的預(yù)算稍稍高了一點(diǎn)，你們還有沒有便宜一點(diǎn)兒東西。"

　　爆笑英語幽默故事7：

　　The suspicious-looking man drove up to the border, where he was greeted by asentry(哨兵) . When the guard looked in the trunk, he was surprised to find six sacks bulging at the seams(縫合線) .

　　"What's in here?" he asked.

　　"Dirt," the driver replied.

　　"Take them out," the guard instructed. "I want to check them."

　　Obliging, the man removed the bags, and sure enough, each one of them contained nothing but dirt. Reluctantly, the guard let him go.

　　A week later the man came back, and once again, the sentry looked in the truck.

　　"What's in the bags this time?" he asked.

　　"Dirt, more dirt." said the man.

　　Not believing him, the guard checked the sacks and, once again, he found nothing but soil.

　　The same thing happened every week for six months, and it finally became so frustrating to the guard that he quit and became a bartender(酒保) .

　　Then one night, the suspicious-looking fellow happened to stop by for a drink. Hurrying over to him, the former guard said, "Listen, pal, drinks are on the house(免費(fèi))tonight if you'll do me a favor: Just tell me what the hell you were smuggling all that time."

　　Grinning broadly, the man leaned close to the bartender's ear and whispered, "Cars."

　　一個(gè)形跡可疑的人開車來到邊境，哨兵迎了上去。哨兵在檢查汽車行李箱時(shí)，驚奇地發(fā)現(xiàn)了六個(gè)接縫處鼓得緊繃繃的大口袋。

　　“里面裝的是什么?”他問道。

　　“土。”司機(jī)回答。

　　“把袋子拿出來”，哨兵命令道：“我要檢查。”

　　那人順從地把口袋搬了出來。確實(shí)，口袋里除了土以外，別無他特。哨兵很不情愿地讓他通過了。

　　一周后，那人又來了，哨兵再次檢查汽車上的行李箱。

　　“這次袋子里裝的是什么?”他問道。

　　“土，又運(yùn)了一些土。”那人回答。

　　哨兵不相信，對(duì)那些袋子又進(jìn)行了檢查，結(jié)果發(fā)現(xiàn)，除了土以外，仍舊一無所獲。

　　同樣的事情每周重演一次，一共持續(xù)了六個(gè)月。最后，哨兵被弄得灰心喪氣，干脆辭職去當(dāng)了酒吧侍者。

　　有天夜里，那個(gè)形跡可疑的人碰巧途經(jīng)酒吧，下車喝酒。那位從前的哨兵急忙迎上前去對(duì)他說，“我說，老兄，你要是能幫我一個(gè)忙，今晚的酒就歸我請客。你能不能告訴我，那段時(shí)間你到底在走私什么東西?”

　　那人俯身過來，湊近侍者的耳朵，裂開嘴笑嘻嘻地說：“汽車。”

　　爆笑英語幽默故事8：

　　Class and AssProfessor Laurie of Glasgow put this notice on his door：“Professor Laurie will not meet his classes today.” A student，after reading the notice，rubbed out the“c”. Later Professor Laurie came along，and entering into the spirit of the joke，rubbed out the“l”.

　　格拉斯哥的勞里教授在門上貼了這樣一個(gè)通知：“勞里教授今天不會(huì)他的班。” 一個(gè)學(xué)生讀了通知后，擦掉了字母“c”。 后來勞里教授來了，也想開開玩笑，他擦掉了字母“l”。

　　爆笑英語幽默故事9：

　　The little girl did not like the look of the barking dog.

　　"It's all right," said a gentleman, "don't be afraid. Don't you know the proverb: Barking dogs don't bite?"

　　"Ah, yes," answered the little girl. "I know the proverb, but does the dog know the proverb, too?"

　　一個(gè)小女孩非常不喜歡狗狂叫的樣子。

　　“沒有關(guān)系，”一位先生說，“不用害怕，你知道這條諺語嗎：‘吠狗不咬人。’”

　　“啊，我是知道，可是狗也知道嗎?”