經(jīng)典英語冷笑話12篇

　　下面是學(xué)習(xí)啦小編整理的經(jīng)典英語冷笑話12篇，以供大家學(xué)習(xí)參考。

　　經(jīng)典英語冷笑話：小心有狗!

　　As a stranger entered a little country store, he noticed a sign warning, "Danger! Beware of dog!" posted on the glass door. Inside, he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor beside the cash register. "Is that the dog folks are supposed to beware of?" he asked the owner. "Yep, that's him," came the reply. The stranger couldn't help but be amused. "That certainly doesn't look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?" "Because," the owner explained, "Before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him!"

　　一名陌生人走進(jìn)一家鄉(xiāng)間小商店，看到玻璃門上帖著的一個(gè)告示牌上寫著，“危險(xiǎn)! 小心有狗!” 進(jìn)去后，他看到一條樣子一點(diǎn)都不兇的老狗趴在收款機(jī)旁邊的地板上睡覺。 “這就是大伙都得留神的那只狗啊?” 陌生人問店主。“是，就是他”，店主回答。 聽到這個(gè)回答， 陌生人覺得很好笑。“我覺得那條狗一點(diǎn)都不可怕。 你帖那個(gè)告示做什么?” “因?yàn)椋?rdquo; 店主解釋說，“在我帖告示之前， 大伙老被他絆倒。”

　　經(jīng)典英語冷笑話：在天堂結(jié)婚

　　A young couple was on their way to get married when they had an accident and died. Now they were in front of St. Peter and the young lady asked if they could get married. St. Peter told them, he would have to get back to them with an answer. Around 30 days later St. Peter returns and tells the couple that they can get married in heaven. The young lady then asks St. Peter, “If things just don't work out can we get a divorce?" St. Peter looks at her and replies, " Lady it took me 30 days to find a preacher up here do you really think I am going to find a lawyer?!!"

　　一對(duì)年輕的夫婦在去結(jié)婚的路上出了車禍，雙雙死去了。于是，他們來到了圣徒彼得面前，妻子問是否她還可以和丈夫結(jié)婚，圣徒彼得告訴他們，關(guān)于這個(gè)問題他一有了結(jié)果就會(huì)回來找他們。差不多30天以后，圣徒彼得回來了，并且告訴他們可以在天堂結(jié)婚。妻子又問：“如果生活的不愉快，我們可不可以離婚呢?”圣徒彼得看著她，回答說：“夫人，我花了30天才找到個(gè)傳教士，難道你真的希望我再去找個(gè)律師嗎?”

　　經(jīng)典英語冷笑話：點(diǎn)名

　　On my first day of classes at my university I took a front-row seat in my literature course. The professor told us we would be responsible for reading five books, and that he would provide us with a list of authors from which we could choose. Then he ambled over to the lectern, took out his class book and began, "Baker, Black, Brooks, Carter, Cook..." I was working feverishly to get down all the names when I felt a tap on my shoulder. The student in back of me whispered, "He's taking attendance."

　　大學(xué)的第一天，文學(xué)課我坐在了前排。教授告訴我們這學(xué)期必須得讀五本書，他提供我們可供選擇的作者名單。隨后他緩步走上講臺(tái)，拿出課本，“貝克、布萊克、布魯斯、卡特、庫克…”為了寫下所有的名字，我不得不瘋狂的作著記錄。這時(shí)有人輕輕的拍我肩膀，坐在我后面的學(xué)生悄悄告訴我：“他在點(diǎn)名呢。”

　　經(jīng)典英語冷笑話：最希望得到的簽名

　　Our university newspaper runs a weekly question feature. Recently, the question was: "Whose autograph would you most want to have, and why?" As expected, most responses mentioned music or sports stars, or politicians. The best response came from a freshman, who said, "The person who signs my diploma."

　　我們大學(xué)的校報(bào)開辦了一個(gè)每周一問的專欄。上周的問題是：“你最想要什么人的簽名?為什么?”和預(yù)計(jì)的一樣，大部分的回答都是歌星、體育明星或者政治家。但是，最優(yōu)秀的答案來自一個(gè)一年級(jí)新生，他說：“在我畢業(yè)證上簽字的那個(gè)人。”

　　經(jīng)典英語冷笑話：動(dòng)機(jī)

　　My English professor once launched into a lecture on "motivation." "What pushes you ahead?" he asked. "What is it that makes you go to school each day? What driving force makes you strive to accomplish?" Turning suddenly to one young woman, he demanded: "What makes you get out of bed in the morning?" The student replied: "My mother."

　　我們英文課的教授有一次在課上講“動(dòng)機(jī)”。“是什么推動(dòng)你在人生的路上向前走?”他問道，“是什么讓你每天上學(xué)來?又是什么驅(qū)使你追求成功?”沖著一個(gè)女學(xué)生，他問：“是什么讓你早晨從床上爬起來的呢?”學(xué)生答道：“我媽媽。”

　　經(jīng)典英語冷笑話：班級(jí)、情人和蠢驢

　　Professor Tom was going to meet his students on the next day, so he wrote some words on the blackboard which read as follows: "Professor Tom will meet the class tomorrow." A student, seeing his chance to display his sense of humor after reading the notice, walked up and erased the "c" in the word "class." The Professor noticing the laughter, wheeled around, walked back, looked at the student, then at the notice with the "c" erased--calmly walked up and erased the "l" in "lass", looked at the flabbergasted student and proceeded on his way.

　　湯姆教授打算第二天與他的學(xué)生見面，因此他在黑板上寫道：“湯姆教授明天將和大家見面”。一位學(xué)生看到這條通知后，覺得展示自己幽默感的機(jī)會(huì)來了，就走上前，將“class”中的“c”擦掉，教授聽到笑聲，轉(zhuǎn)過身走回來，看了看那位學(xué)生，又看看被改動(dòng)過的通知，不動(dòng)聲色地走上前，把“lass” 中的“l”擦掉，看了看那位目瞪口呆的學(xué)生，教授揚(yáng)長而去。

　　經(jīng)典英語冷笑話：智力缺陷

　　"Would you mind telling me, Doctor," Bob asked, "how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?" "Nothing is easier," he replied, "You ask him a simple question which everyone should answer with no trouble. If he hesitates, that puts you on the track." "Well, what sort of question?" "Well, you might ask him, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?' " Bob thought for a moment, and then said with a nervous laugh, "You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history."

　　“醫(yī)生，你能不能告訴我，”鮑勃問，“對(duì)于一個(gè)看上去很正常的人，你是怎樣判斷出他有智力缺陷的呢?”“再?zèng)]有比這容易的了，”醫(yī)生回答，“問他一個(gè)簡(jiǎn)單的問題，簡(jiǎn)單到所有人都知道答案，如果他回答得不干脆，那你就知道是怎么回事了。”“那要問什么樣的問題呢?”“嗯，你可以這樣問，‘庫克船長環(huán)球旅行了三次，但是在其中一次的途中他去世了，是哪一次呢?’”鮑勃想了一會(huì)兒，緊張的回答道，“你就不能問另外一個(gè)問題嗎?坦率地說，我對(duì)歷史了解的不是很多。”

　　經(jīng)典英語冷笑話：開卷考試

　　On the day of our final exam at my Community College in Santa Maria, Calif., we heard that the bookstore had changed its policy and would buy back our business-management textbooks. Before class, several of us dashed over to the store and sold our books. We were seated and waiting for the test when our professor announced that considering the difficulty of the final, it would be an open-book exam.

　　我在加利福尼亞的圣瑪麗亞市一所社區(qū)大學(xué)讀書。期末考試那天，聽說書店在回購我們的工商管理課本?？荚嚽?，我們幾個(gè)趕忙跑到書店把書賣了，隨后，我們坐在教室里等著考試。這時(shí)候教授宣布：考慮到試題的難度，今天的考試我們決定開卷。

　　經(jīng)典英語冷笑話：機(jī)長的錄音

　　This is your captain speaking. On behalf of my crew... I'd like to welcome you aboard British Airways flight 602 from New York to London. We are currently flying at a height of 35,000 feet midway across the Atlantic. If you look out of the windows on the starboard side of the aircraft, you will observe that both the starboard engines are on fire. If you look out of the windows on the port side, you will observe that the port wing has fallen off. If you look down towards the Atlantic Ocean, you will see a little yellow life raft with three people in it to waving at you. That's me, the copilot, and one of the air stewardesses. This is a recording.

　　這是你們機(jī)長的聲音。請(qǐng)?jiān)试S我代表全體工作人員，歡迎你們乘坐英國航空公司602號(hào)航班從紐約飛往倫敦。我們此時(shí)在大西洋上空35,000英尺的高度。如果你從飛機(jī)的右邊向窗外看去，你將會(huì)發(fā)現(xiàn)右側(cè)的兩個(gè)引擎都已經(jīng)起火。如果你從左邊往外看，你就會(huì)看到那邊的機(jī)翼已經(jīng)脫落了。如果你俯視下面的大西洋，那么你會(huì)看到一艘黃色的救生筏，上面有三個(gè)人正在朝你揮手。那是我、副駕駛員還有我們的一名女乘務(wù)員。這是一段錄音。

　　經(jīng)典英語冷笑話：無聊的課

　　One of my favorite teachers at Southeast Missouri State University in Cape Girardeau is known for his droll sense of humor. Explaining his ground rules to one freshman class, he said, "Now I know my lectures can often be dry and boring, so I don't mind if you look at your watches during class. I do, however, object to your pounding them on the desk to make sure they're running!"

　　在開普吉拉多市的東南密蘇里州立大學(xué)上學(xué)的時(shí)候，我喜歡的幾個(gè)老師之中有一個(gè)以他的幽默感而出名。給新生上頭一節(jié)課，他給學(xué)生解釋在他課上的紀(jì)律，他說：“我知道我的課經(jīng)常會(huì)很枯燥乏味，所以我并不介意你們?cè)谡n上看表。然而，我堅(jiān)決不允許你們把表重重的摔在課桌上，以此來檢查你的表是不是還在走。”

　　經(jīng)典英語冷笑話：交通事故

　　A man was driving to work when a truck ran a stop sign ... hit his car broadside, and knocked him cold. Passerbys pulled him from the wreck and revived him. He began a terrific struggle and had to be tranquilized by the medics. Later, when he was calm, they asked him why he struggled so. He said, "I remember the impact, then nothing. I woke up on a concrete slab in front of a huge, flashing 'Shell' sign. And somebody was standing in front of the 'S.'

　　有個(gè)人開車行駛在上班的路上，一輛卡車闖紅燈從側(cè)面撞上了他的車，當(dāng)時(shí)他就不省人事了。路旁的行人把他從車?yán)锢鰜聿拘阉?。剛一醒過來，他就拼命的掙扎著，最后不得不用了藥物才讓他鎮(zhèn)靜下來。過了一會(huì)兒，他平靜了，別人問他為什么要這么恐怖的掙扎，他說：“被撞之后我就什么都不知道了，當(dāng)我醒過來，我發(fā)現(xiàn)我躺在了路邊，前面是一個(gè)巨大的廣告牌上面閃爍著‘殼牌’，但是有個(gè)人擋住了那個(gè)“S。”

　　經(jīng)典英語冷笑話：寫給上帝的信

　　A little boy needed very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened. Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the . When the post office received the letter to God, USA, they decided to send it to the president. The president was so amused that he instructed his secretary to send the boy a bill. The president thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy. The little boy was delighted with the bill and sat down to write a thank-you note to God, which read: Dear God: Thank you very much for sending the money. However, I noticed that for some reason you sent it through Washington, D.C., and, as usual, those turkeys kept in taxes.

　　有個(gè)小男孩非常需要50美元，他為此禱告了數(shù)周但是什么也沒發(fā)生。后來，他決定寫封信向上帝索要這50美元。郵局接到這封信，想了想覺得還是應(yīng)該交給總統(tǒng)比較好?？偨y(tǒng)被逗笑了，于是指示秘書寄給小男孩5美元，因?yàn)樗X得5美元對(duì)于一個(gè)小孩來講已經(jīng)是不少了。小男孩收到了錢很高興，給上帝回了一封感謝信，信里寫道：尊敬的上帝，非常感謝你把錢寄給我。然而，我發(fā)現(xiàn)這些錢是通過白宮寄出的，因此，和往常一樣，那幫家伙收了我45美元的稅。