英語(yǔ)經(jīng)典笑話

　　笑話是一種藝術(shù)方法，用這種方法造成以笑為藝術(shù)手段的文學(xué)藝術(shù)作品。幽默寓于笑話之中，它是笑話的精料，智慧之所在。下面是學(xué)習(xí)啦小編整理的英語(yǔ)經(jīng)典笑話，歡迎大家閱讀!

　　英語(yǔ)經(jīng)典笑話篇一：停止打你老婆

　　This story is told of a browbeating counsel，who habitually endeavored to terrorize his opponent's witnesses.

　　One witness rather tended to preface his replies with lengthy explanations.

　　“I want‘yes’or‘no，’”thundered counsel.“There is no need for you to argue the point!”

　　“But there are some questions which cannot be answered by‘yes’or‘no，’”mildly responded the witness.

　　“There are not!” snapped the lawyer.

　　“Oh，” said the witness，“answer this then：Have you ceased beating your wife?”

　　這個(gè)故事講的是一個(gè)咄咄逼人的辯護(hù)律師，他慣于盡量去恐嚇對(duì)方的證人。

　　有一個(gè)證人有點(diǎn)傾向于在回答問(wèn)題之前做冗長(zhǎng)的解釋。

　　“我要你回答‘是’或者‘不是’，”辯護(hù)律師怒喝道： “你沒(méi)有必要就這個(gè)問(wèn)題進(jìn)行爭(zhēng)論。”

　　“可是有些問(wèn)題無(wú)法用‘是’或者‘不是’來(lái)回答。”這位證人溫和地回敬他。

　　“不存在這樣的問(wèn)題!”律師厲聲打斷他。

　　“噢，”證人說(shuō)：“那么請(qǐng)你回答這個(gè)問(wèn)題：你停止打你老婆了嗎?”

　　英語(yǔ)經(jīng)典笑話篇二：奇怪的關(guān)系

　　Four best friends met at the hospital since their wives were giving births to their babies. The nurse comes up to the first man and says, "Congratulations, you got twins." The man said "How strange, I'm the manager of Minnesota Twins." After awhile the nurse comes up to the second man and says, "Congratulations, you got triplets." Man was like "Hmmm, strange I worked as a director for the "3 musketeers." Finally, the nurse comes up to the third man and says "Congratulations, you got twins x2." Man is happy and says, "Ironic, I work for the hotel "4 Seasons." All three of them are happy until they see their last buddy jumping all over the place, cursing God and banging his head on the wall. They asked him what's wrong and he answered, "What's wrong? I work for 7up"!

　　四個(gè)好朋友在醫(yī)院里碰面了,他們的妻子正在生產(chǎn).護(hù)士過(guò)來(lái)對(duì)第一個(gè)男人說(shuō):"恭喜,你得了雙胞胎."男人說(shuō):"多奇怪呀,我是明尼蘇達(dá)雙子隊(duì)的經(jīng)理."過(guò)了一會(huì)兒,護(hù)士過(guò)來(lái)對(duì)第二個(gè)男人說(shuō):"恭喜,你得了三胞胎."男人很喜歡:"嗯,又巧了.我是3M公司的董事."最后,護(hù)士跑來(lái)對(duì)第三個(gè)男人說(shuō):"恭喜,你得了2對(duì)雙胞胎."男人很開(kāi)心地說(shuō):"真令人啼笑皆非,我為四季賓館工作."他們?nèi)齻€(gè)都很高興,但第四個(gè)伙伴急得像熱鍋上的螞蟻,咒罵上帝并用頭撞墻.他們問(wèn)他有什么不對(duì)勁,他回答道:"什么不對(duì)勁?我可是在七喜公司工作呀!"

　　英語(yǔ)經(jīng)典笑話篇三：一分鐘一百萬(wàn)

　　A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second."

　　一男子進(jìn)入教堂和上帝對(duì)話.他問(wèn):"主啊, 一百萬(wàn)美元對(duì)你意味著多少?"上帝回答:"一便士."男子又問(wèn):"那一百萬(wàn)年呢?"上帝說(shuō):"一秒鐘."最后男子請(qǐng)求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士嗎?"上帝回答:"過(guò)一秒鐘."

　　英語(yǔ)經(jīng)典笑話篇四：看外國(guó)人怎么神吐槽快遞慢(雙語(yǔ))

　　Long lines at the post office are par for the course, but we feel a special kind of rage when a delivery takes too long. Perhaps that's why this hilarious complaint to USPS.com is going viral right now on Reddit. Likening the post office to an ordinary box turtle, user malvoliosf explains how, despite paying 0 for priority shipping, it took eight days for his parcel to travel a distance of 14.8 miles。

　　在郵局里要排長(zhǎng)長(zhǎng)的隊(duì)伍，對(duì)此人們已經(jīng)司空見(jiàn)慣，不過(guò)對(duì)于快遞運(yùn)輸太慢的狀況，人們卻會(huì)由衷的感到憤慨。或許正是因?yàn)檫@樣，這封寄給美國(guó)郵政局的投訴信自從在紅迪網(wǎng)上出現(xiàn)之后，迅速在網(wǎng)上爆紅。這位用戶名為malvoliosf 的小主將郵局比作一只平凡的箱龜。他解釋道，盡管花費(fèi)了110美元辦理了特快空運(yùn)，他的包裹卻用了8天的時(shí)間才到達(dá)了14.8英里之外的地方。

　　Zoom in to see the original complaint and read the transcription below。

　　以下讓我們來(lái)好好看看這封原始投訴信(附翻譯)：

　　投訴信　　I paid 0 for PRIORITY and it took EIGHT DAYS to get my parcel from downtown San Francisco to the San Francisco airport, a distance of 14.8 miles. A turtle could have done that in four days. Seriously, I looked it up. An ordinary box turtle cruises 0.17 mph; it could make it from the Rincon Center post office to the cargo terminal of SFO in 87 hours. The United States Post Service took 179 hours to make the same trip。

　　我花了110美元辦理特快空運(yùn)業(yè)務(wù)，結(jié)果我的包裹花了8天的時(shí)間才從舊金山市中心運(yùn)到舊金山機(jī)場(chǎng)，距離只有14.8英里。一只烏龜只需要4天就能爬完這段距離了。說(shuō)真的，我查了的。一只普通的箱龜爬行的速度是每小時(shí)0.17英里。從林康中心郵局到舊金山碼頭它87小時(shí)就能夠爬完了。而美國(guó)郵政局的運(yùn)輸飛機(jī)花了179個(gè)小時(shí)才走完了同樣距離的行程。

　　And I had to wait in line at the post office. There is no line at the turtle store. I could have popped in, bought a turtle, strapped the parcel to its shell, and it would have gotten there in less than half the time。

　　而且我還必須在郵局里排隊(duì)等候。在寵物店里買(mǎi)烏龜可不用排隊(duì)等。也許我本應(yīng)該換個(gè)方法，買(mǎi)只烏龜，把包裹綁在它背上，這樣它只需要一半的時(shí)間到達(dá)目的地。

　　Can I get a refund here? A partial refund? A complimentary box of turtle food? Anything?

　　我有沒(méi)有得到退款呢?或者部分退款?一包作為補(bǔ)償?shù)臑觚旓暳?或者任何補(bǔ)償性的東西?(然并卵!)

　　英語(yǔ)經(jīng)典笑話篇五：One real man

　　The ruler of an ancient kingdom wanted to disprove the statement that the men of his domain were ruled by their wives. He had all the males in his kingdom brought before him and warned that any man who did not tell the truth would be punished severely(嚴(yán)格地，嚴(yán)厲地).

　　Then he asked all the men who obeyed their wives' directions and counsel(勸告，建議) to step to the left side of the hall. All the men did so but one little man who moved to the right.

　　It's good to see, said the king, that we have one real man in the kingdom. Tell these chickenhearted(膽小的) dunces(傻瓜) why you alone among them stand on the right side of the hall.

　　Your Majesty, came the reply in a squealing voice, it is because before I left home my wife told me to keep out of crowds.

　　一個(gè)真正的男子漢

　　古代有一個(gè)國(guó)王，他想證明他領(lǐng)土內(nèi)的男人并非像人們傳說(shuō)的那樣，受到老婆的管制。他把王國(guó)里所有的男人都召到跟前，警告說(shuō)，哪個(gè)男人膽敢不說(shuō)實(shí)話，就會(huì)受到嚴(yán)厲的懲罰。

　　然后，他叫所有聽(tīng)從妻子的命令和意見(jiàn)的男人都走向大廳的左側(cè)。所有的男人都站到了左側(cè)，只有一個(gè)小個(gè)子男人站到了右側(cè)。

　　國(guó)王說(shuō)：看到我們國(guó)家里還有一個(gè)真正的男子漢，真是令人高興。告訴這些膽小的笨蛋，為什么在他們當(dāng)中只有你一個(gè)人站在大廳的右側(cè)。

　　陛下，那人尖聲地回答：因?yàn)樵谖页鲩T(mén)之前，我老婆告訴我不要扎堆。