英語(yǔ)搞笑笑話6篇

　　幽默寓于笑話之中，它是笑話的精料，智慧之所在。笑話是幽默的載體，一個(gè)成功的笑話能流傳千古。下面是學(xué)習(xí)啦小編整理的英語(yǔ)搞笑笑話，歡迎大家閱讀!

　　英語(yǔ)搞笑笑話一：How can I get into heaven 我怎么才能上天堂

　　"If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the poor, would I get into heaven?" I asked the children in my Sunday school class.

　　"No!" the children all answered.

　　"If I cleaned the church everyday, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would I get into heaven?"

　　Again, the answer was, "No!"

　　"Well, " I continued, "then how can I get into heaven?"

　　A five-year-old boy shouted out, "You gotta be dead!"

　　“如果我把房子和車賣了，在車庫(kù)舉行義賣, 并把所有的錢給窮人，我能進(jìn)天堂嗎?”我問(wèn)主日學(xué)校的孩子。

　　孩子們齊聲回答：“不能!”

　　“那如果我每天都打掃教堂，給院子的草坪割草，并且把東西都收拾得干凈整潔，我會(huì)上天堂嗎?”

　　回答還是：“不能!”“好吧， ”我繼續(xù)問(wèn), “那我要怎樣才能升天堂呢?”

　　一個(gè)五歲的男孩兒叫道：“你得死了才行!”

　　英語(yǔ)搞笑笑話二：I Want Her to go Nuts

　　Mrs. Flinders decided to have her portrait painted. She told the artist, "Paint me with diamond earrings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets and a ruby pendant."

　　"But you're not wearing any of those things."

　　"I know," said Mrs. Flinders." It's in case I should die before my husband. I'm sure he'd remarry right away, and I want her to go nuts looking for the jewelry."

　　福林德斯夫人決定讓人給她畫肖像。她告訴那位肖像畫家說(shuō)：“畫我?guī)е@石耳環(huán)、鉆石項(xiàng)鏈、祖母綠手鐲，還有紅寶石垂飾。”

　　“但你現(xiàn)在沒(méi)帶這其中的任何一樣飾品。”

　　“我知道。”福林德斯夫人說(shuō)，“萬(wàn)一我先我丈夫死去，我肯定他會(huì)立刻再婚。我要讓那個(gè)女人為尋找這些珠寶而發(fā)瘋。”

　　英語(yǔ)搞笑笑話三：是哪兩個(gè)詞?

　　What Are The Two Words?A very nice old lady had a few words to say to her granddaughter.“My dear，” said the old lady，“I wish you would do something for me.I wish you would promise me never to use two words.One is‘lousy’and the other is‘swell’.Would you promise me that? “Why，sure，Granny，”said the girl.“What are the two words?”

　　一個(gè)非常高貴的老夫人有幾句話要對(duì)她的孫女說(shuō)。“我親愛(ài)的，”老夫人說(shuō)：“我希望你能幫我一個(gè)忙。我要你答應(yīng)永遠(yuǎn)不要用兩個(gè)詞。一個(gè)是‘討厭的’，另一個(gè)是‘極好的’。你能答應(yīng)我嗎?” “噢，當(dāng)然，奶奶。”女孩說(shuō)：“是哪兩個(gè)詞?”

　　英語(yǔ)搞笑笑話四：

　　1. Mother:"I sent my little boy for two pounds of plums and you gave him a pound and a half."

　　母親：“我派自己的小孩買兩磅李子，你卻給了他一磅半。”

　　Shopkeeper:"My scales are all right, madam. Have you weighed your little boy?"

　　店主：“我的秤沒(méi)問(wèn)題，太太。你稱過(guò)兒子了嗎?”

　　2. "Mama, why does the puppy drink the water in the slot?"

　　“媽媽，小狗為什么要喝水溝里的水?”

　　"Because it's thirsty."

　　“因?yàn)樗柿恕?rdquo;

　　"Oh, I know that the puppy has no money to buy coke!"

　　“噢，我知道了，是小狗沒(méi)有錢買可樂(lè)!”

　　3. Two little boys were looking at an abstract painting in an art shop.

　　兩個(gè)小男孩正在一家美術(shù)店看一幅抽象畫。

　　"Let's run," said one, "or they say we did it."

　　“咱們快跑吧，”其中一個(gè)男孩說(shuō)道，“不然他們會(huì)說(shuō)是我們干的。”

　　4. Little Mike was visiting on his grandparents' farm. Checking the chicken's tail, he came upon a peacock. He ranquickly to the house shouting, "Granny, come quick! Your chicken is in bloom!"

　　小邁克正在參觀爺爺奶奶的農(nóng)場(chǎng)。他在雞群中看到一只孔雀。他馬上跑向屋子，大聲喊道：“奶奶，快來(lái)!你的一只雞開(kāi)花了!”

　　5. The neighbor often borrowed my inflator.

　　鄰居經(jīng)常借我家的打氣筒。

　　One day, my four-year-old daughter suddenly told me:"Papa, what shall we do if the air of our inflator is used up?"

　　有一天，4歲的女兒突然告訴我說(shuō)：“爸爸，我們的打氣筒里面的氣用完了怎么辦?”

　　英語(yǔ)搞笑笑話五：Child asks Parents

　　A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."

　　I Know Your Secret

　　Two boys were talking and the one said to the other, "There is a easy way to get what you want."

　　The other boy said, "How?" the boy replied, "Tell people you know their secret."

　　The boy jumps up and runs to his dad, "I know your secret!" The dad replies, "Please don't tell your mom heres ."

　　The boy then runs to his mom, "I know your secret!" The mom said, "Please don't tell your dad here's ."

　　The boy then decides to try it on the mail man, "I know your secret!" The mail man opened his arms and said, "Come, give your dad a hug!"

　　英語(yǔ)搞笑笑話六：Golfer 高爾夫球手

　　Once there was a golfer whose ball landed on an anthill(蟻冢).

　　Rather than move the ball, he decided1 to hit it where it lay. He gave a mighty2 swing. Clouds of dirt and sand and ants exploded from the spot. Everything moved but the golf ball. It sat on the same spot.

　　So he tried another shot3. Clouds of dirt and sand ants went flying again. The golf ball didn't even wiggle.

　　Two ants survived. One dazed ant said to the other. "Whoa! What are we going to do?"

　　Said the other ant, "I don't know about you, but I'm going to get on the ball."

　　從前有個(gè)高爾夫球手，他把球打到了一座蟻丘上。

　　他沒(méi)有移動(dòng)球的位置，而是決定就地?fù)羟颉Ｓ谑撬箘乓粨]球桿，塵土和著螞蟻，四處飛揚(yáng)。所有的東西都動(dòng)了，除了那只球，它呆在原地，一動(dòng)沒(méi)動(dòng)。

　　于是，他準(zhǔn)備再次出擊。又是一陣塵土飛揚(yáng)，螞蟻們也再次跟著遭殃。而高爾夫球還是紋絲不動(dòng)。

　　兩只螞蟻幸免于難，一只暈暈乎乎地對(duì)另一只說(shuō)：“哇，我們?cè)趺崔k啊?”

　　另一只螞蟻說(shuō)：“我不知道你怎么想，但是我準(zhǔn)備爬到那只球上去。”