下面是學(xué)習(xí)啦小編整理的英語(yǔ)笑話段子5篇，歡迎大家閱讀!

　　英語(yǔ)笑話段子一：萬(wàn)能的圣誕老人并非啥都知道

　　As a little girl climbed onto Santa's lap, Santa asked the usual, "And what would you like for Christmas?"

　　The child stared at him open mouthed and horrified for a minute, then gasped: "Didn't you get my E-mail?"

　　一個(gè)女孩爬到圣誕老人的膝蓋上，圣誕老人例行公事的問(wèn)：“今年圣誕節(jié)你想要什么呢?”

　　孩子瞪大眼睛驚訝的望著圣誕老人一分鐘都沒(méi)講話，然后喘著氣說(shuō)到：“你沒(méi)收到我的電子郵件嗎?(我想要什么都寫(xiě)上面了，萬(wàn)能的圣誕老人咋能不知道捏)”

　　英語(yǔ)笑話段子二：Psychiatrist 精神病醫(yī)生

　　Jerry went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I've got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it. I'm going crazy!" Just put yourself in my hands for one year," said the shrink. "Come to me three times a week, and I'll cure your fears." How much do you charge?" A hundred dollars per visit." I'll sleep on it," said Jerry. Six months later the doctor met Jerry on the street. "Why didn't you ever come to see me again?" asked the psychiatrist. For a hundred bucks a visit? The bartender cured me for ." "Is that so! How?" He told me to cut the legs off the bed!" Ain't nobody under there now!!!

　　杰瑞去看精神病醫(yī)生。“醫(yī)生，我有些不對(duì)勁。每次睡覺(jué)的時(shí)候，我都感覺(jué)有人在床下。我要瘋了!”“給我一年時(shí)間，”醫(yī)生說(shuō)，“每周來(lái)三次，我會(huì)治好你。”“費(fèi)用是多少呢?”“每次一百美元。”“我會(huì)認(rèn)真考慮的。”杰瑞答道。六個(gè)月后醫(yī)生和杰瑞在街上相遇了，“為什么你再也沒(méi)來(lái)呢?”醫(yī)生問(wèn)。“一次一百塊錢(qián)嗎?有個(gè)酒吧服務(wù)生收了十塊錢(qián)就把我治好了。”“真的?他怎么做到的?”“他讓我把床腿鋸掉。現(xiàn)在那沒(méi)人了!”

　　英語(yǔ)笑話段子三：兄弟倆的對(duì)話 Where is the father?

　　Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings.

　　"Look," said the elder brother. "How nice these paintings are!"

　　"Yes," said the younger, "but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. Where is the father?"

　　The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, "Obviously he was painting the pictures."

　　父親在哪兒?

　　兄弟倆在看一些漂亮的油畫(huà)。

　　“看，”哥哥說(shuō)，“這些畫(huà)多漂亮呀!”

　　“是啊，”弟弟說(shuō)道，“可是在所有這些畫(huà)中，只有媽媽和孩子。那爸爸去哪兒了呢?”

　　哥哥想了會(huì)兒，然后解釋道：“很明顯，他當(dāng)時(shí)正在畫(huà)這些畫(huà)唄。”

　　英語(yǔ)笑話段子四：博士與小廝

　　A wealthy old lady who lived near Dr.Swift used to send him presents occasionally by her servant.Dr.Swift took her presents but never gave the boy anything for his trouble.One day as Swift was busy with his writing， the boy rushed into his room， knocked some books out of their place， threw his parcelon the desk and said，“ my mistress has sent you two of herrab bits.” Swift turned round and said，“My boy， that is not the way to deliver your parcel.Now， you sit in my chair，watch my way of doing it and learn your lesson.” The boy sat down. Swift went out， knocked on his door and waited. The boy said“Come in.” The doctor entered，walked to his desk and said，“If you please sir， my mistress sends her kind regards and hopes you will accept these rabbits which her son shot this morning in her fields.” The boy answered，“Thank you， my boy， Give your mistress and her son my thanks for their kindness and here is two shillings for yourself.” The Doctor laughed， and after that， Swift never forgot to give the boy his tip.

　　在斯威夫特博士家附近，有一位富有的老婦人，她時(shí)常打發(fā)仆人給他送禮物。斯威夫特博士接受她的禮物，但從不給小廝任何酬謝。一天，斯威夫特博士正忙著寫(xiě)東西，小廝沖進(jìn)了他的房間，把書(shū)一扒拉，將一個(gè)包裹扔在書(shū)桌上，說(shuō)道：“我的女主人送給你兩只兔子。” 斯威夫特轉(zhuǎn)過(guò)身來(lái)說(shuō)：“孩子，包裹可不是這樣送法呀?，F(xiàn)在，你坐在我的椅子上，看看我是怎么送的，并要記取這個(gè)教訓(xùn)。” 小廝坐了下來(lái)，斯威夫特走出去，敲了敲門(mén)，等待回音。小廝說(shuō)“進(jìn)來(lái)”。博士進(jìn)了門(mén)，走到桌旁說(shuō)道：“先生，我的女主人向您致以親切的問(wèn)候，并希望您收下這些兔子，這是她兒子今天早晨在地里打的。” 小廝回答說(shuō)：“謝謝你，我的孩子。向你的女主人和她的兒子致謝，謝謝他們的關(guān)心。這兩個(gè)先令是送給你本人的。” 博士笑了，打那以后，斯威夫特從沒(méi)忘記送小費(fèi)給小廝。

　　英語(yǔ)笑話段子五：醫(yī)生住在樓下

　　"Doctor," she said loudly, bouncing into the room, "I want you to say frankly what's wrong with me."

　　He surveyed her from head to foot. "Madam," he said at length, "I've just three things to tell you. First, your weight wants reducing by nearly fifty pounds. Second, your beauty could be improved if you used about one tenth as much rouge and lipstick. And third, I'm an artist---the doctor lives downstairs."

　　“我想讓你坦率地說(shuō)我到底得了什么病。”

　　他從頭到腳打量打量她，然后大聲說(shuō)：“太太，我有三件事要對(duì)你說(shuō)。第一，您的體重需要減少大約50磅;第二，如果您要用上十分之一的胭脂和口紅，您的美貌將會(huì)改變。第三，我是一位畫(huà)家——醫(yī)生住在樓下。”