經(jīng)典的英語(yǔ)笑話閱讀精選
笑話是民族文化及社會(huì)生活中不可缺少的一環(huán),從古至今都擁有廣大的受眾,深受人們喜愛(ài)。學(xué)習(xí)啦小編整理了經(jīng)典的英語(yǔ)笑話，歡迎閱讀!
經(jīng)典的英語(yǔ)笑話：An Annoying Kid On The Bus
A little kid walks into a city bus and sits right behind the driver and starts yelling, ''If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow I'd be a little bull.'' The driver starts getting mad at the noisy kid, who continues with, ''If my dad was an elephant and my mom a girl elephant I would be a little elephant.'' The kid goes on with several animals until the bus driver gets angry and yells at the kid, ''What if your dad was a drunk and your mom was a prostitute?!'' The kid smiles and says, ''I would be a bus driver!''
經(jīng)典的英語(yǔ)笑話：Wife Mart
A store that sells wives opens in Dallas, TX, where a man may go to =
choose a wife from among MANY women. The store is comprised of 6 floors, =
and the women increase in positive attributes as the shopper ascends the =
flights.
There is however, a catch: As you open the door to any floor you may =
choose a wife from that floor, but if you go up a floor, you cannot go =
back down except to exit the building--no stopping on any lower floors.
A man goes to the shopping center to find a wife.
On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These women have jobs.
The man reads the sign and says to himself,
"Well, that's better than my last girlfriend, but I wonder what's = further up?" So up he goes.
The second floor sign reads:
Floor 2 - These women have jobs, love sports, and drink beer. The man smiles to himself, "That's great, but I wonder what's = further up?"
The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These women have jobs, love sports, drink beer, and are = extremely good looking.
"Hmmm, better!" he says. "But I wonder what's upstairs?"
The fourth floor sign reads:
Floor 4 - These women have jobs, love sports, drink beer, are = extremely good looking and do all the housework.
"Wow!" exclaims the man, "Very tempting. BUT, there must be more, = much more, further up!" He heads up another flight.
The fifth floor sign reads:
Floor 5 - These women have jobs, love sports, drink beer, are = extremely good looking, do all the housework and don't bitch and gripe =
about anything.
"Hot Damn! How close to perfect can you get? But just think...what = must be awaiting me further on?" So up to the sixth floor he goes.
The sixth floor sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 133,956,779,012 to this floor. There are = no women on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that men are =
impossible to please.
Thank you for shopping Wife Mart, and have a nice day.
經(jīng)典的英語(yǔ)笑話：A Night In Mexico
Three women go down to Mexico one night, get drunk, and wake up in jail, only to find that they are to be executed in the morning, though none of them can remember what they did the night before.
The first one, a redhead, is strapped in the electric chair, and is asked if she has any last words. She says, "I am from Grace University, and believe in the almighty power of God to intervene on the behalf of the innocent," They throw the switch and nothing happens.
They all immediately prostrate themselves; beg for her forgiveness, and release her.
The second one, a brunette, is strapped in and gives her last words, "I am from the Creighton School of Law and I believe in the power of justice to intervene on the part of the innocent." They throw the switch and again, nothing happens.
Again, they all immediately prostrate themselves; beg for her forgiveness, and release her.
The last one, a blonde, is strapped in and says, "Well, I'm from the University of Alabama, Huntsville and just graduated with a degree in Electrical Engineering, and I'll tell you right now, you ain't gonna electrocute nobody if you don't plug this thing in."
經(jīng)典的英語(yǔ)笑話： Blonde Car Crash
As a blonde crawls out of her wrecked car, the local sheriff asks her what happened.
The blonde began, "It was the strangest thing! I looked up and saw a tree, so I swerved to the right. Then I saw another tree, so I swerved to left. Then there was another tree, and another and another ..."
The sheriff thought for a minute and then said, "Mam ... I don't know how to tell you this, but the only thing even resembling a tree on this road for thirty miles is your air freshener."
經(jīng)典的英語(yǔ)笑話：Telling The Truth
A lady tells her husband to go to the store to buy some cigarettes. He walks down to the store only to find it closed. So he goes into a nearby bar to use the vending machine. At the bar he sees a beautiful woman and starts talking to her.
They have a couple of beers and one thing leads to another and they end up in her apartment. After theyve had their fun, he realizes its 3AM and says, "Oh no, its so late, my wifes going to kill me. Have you got any talcum powder?" She gives him some talcum powder, which he proceeds to rub on his hands and then he goes home.
His wife is waiting for him in the doorway and she is pretty angry. Where the hell have you been?" "Well, honey, its like this. I went to the store like you asked, but they were closed. So I went to the bar to use the vending machine. I saw this great looking girl there and we had a few drinks and one thing led to another and I ended up in bed with her." "Oh yeah? Let me see your hands!" She sees his hands are covered with powder and... "You God damn liar!!! You were playing pool again!!!"
Moral of the story:
Always tell your wife the truth. She wont believe you anyway.
At least your conscience is clear.
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