英語(yǔ)幽默的小笑話精選

　　由于戲說《論語(yǔ)》的笑話在戲曲、小說中的大量存在,使其又具有了一定的文學(xué)價(jià)值。下面是學(xué)習(xí)啦小編帶來的英語(yǔ)幽默的小笑話，歡迎閱讀!

　　英語(yǔ)幽默的小笑話精選

　　(一)

　　蝸牛買跑車snail and car

　　There was once a snail who was sick and tired of his reputation for being so slow. He decided to get some fast wheels to make up the difference. After shopping around a while, he decided that the Datson 240-Z was the car to get. So the snail goes to the nearest Datsun dealer and says he wants to buy the 240-Z, but he wants it repainted "240-S".The dealer asks, "Why 'S'?"The snail replies, "'S' stands for snail. I want everybody who sees me roaring past to know who's driving."Well, the dealer doesn't want to lose the unique opportunity to sell a car to a snail, so he agrees to have the car repainted for a small fee.The snail gets his new car and spent the rest of his days roaring happily down the highway at top speed. And whenever anyone would see him zooming by, they'd say "Wow! Look at that S-car go!"

　　曾經(jīng)有只蝸牛，它對(duì)自己動(dòng)作慢的名聲感到了厭惡和疲倦。他決心去弄些跑得飛快的輪子來改變這種境況。逛了一圈之后，它決定買Datson 240-Z。他去了最近的Datsun經(jīng)銷店，去買Datson 240-Z，但是它想把這輛車重新刷漆，改稱240-S。　　經(jīng)銷商問：“為什么是S呢?”　　蝸?；卮鹫f：“‘s’代表蝸牛。我想讓每一個(gè)看見我呼嘯而過的人知道是誰在開車。”　　經(jīng)銷商不想失去把汽車賣給蝸牛這樣一個(gè)機(jī)會(huì)，所以他同意收取些許費(fèi)用，把車重新涂漆。　　蝸牛開著它的新車，把自己的余生都用在了快樂地高速行使在告訴公路上。而不論何時(shí)任何人看見它飛馳而過的時(shí)候，都會(huì)說：“哦!看那S-car 。”

　　(二)

　　死后重生Life After Death

　　Do you believe in life after death?" the boss asked one of his employees.

　　“你相信人死后仍有生命嗎?”老板問他的一個(gè)員工。

　　"Yes, Sir." the new recruit replied.

　　“是的，先生。”這個(gè)新員工回答說。

　　"Well, then, that makes everything just fine," the boss went on. "After you left early yesterdayto go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped in to see you.

　　“哦，那么，這樣說來一切就很正常了，”老板繼續(xù)說，“在你今早離開，去參加你奶奶的葬禮，她來看你了。”

　　英語(yǔ)幽默的小笑話閱讀

　　(一)

　　兩個(gè)超級(jí)大笨賊

　　Very stupid robbersTwo robbers were robbing a hotel. The first robber said, "I hear sirens.Jump!"

　　兩個(gè)盜賊在一家旅館偷東西。第一個(gè)說：“我聽到警報(bào)響了，快跳吧!”

　　The second one said, "But we're on the 13 th floor!"The first one screamed back, "This is notime to be superstitious!"

　　第二個(gè)說：“但是我們現(xiàn)在在第13層啊!”第一個(gè)尖叫著回敬他：“都什么時(shí)候了，還這么迷信!”

　　(二)

　　買房子的優(yōu)缺點(diǎn)

　　Good Points and Bad Points

　　優(yōu)缺點(diǎn)

　　"This house," said the real-estate salesman, "has both its good points and bad points. To showyou I'm honest, I'm goint to tell you about the disadvantage - there is a chemical plant oneblock south and a slaughterhouse one block north."

　　“這幢房子，”房地產(chǎn)推銷商說，“既有優(yōu)點(diǎn)也有缺點(diǎn)。為了說明我是誠(chéng)實(shí)的，我將告訴你們它的缺點(diǎn)：往南面一個(gè)街區(qū)是一家化工廠，往北面一個(gè)街區(qū)是一家屠宰場(chǎng)。”

　　"What are the advantages?" inquired the prospective buyer.

　　“那么它的長(zhǎng)處呢?”預(yù)備購(gòu)買房子的人問道。

　　"The good thing about it," said the agent, "is that you can always tell which way the wind isblowing."

　　“它的好處，”代理商說道，“就是，你總能分清風(fēng)是從哪邊吹過來的。”

　　關(guān)于英語(yǔ)幽默的小笑話

　　(一)

　　請(qǐng)朋友吃飯 Friend for Dinner

　　Honey, said the husband to his wife, I invited a friend home for supper.

　　“親愛的，”丈夫?qū)ζ拮诱f：“我邀請(qǐng)了一位朋友回家吃晚飯。”

　　What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I havent been shopping, all the dishes are dirty,and I dont feel like cooking a fancy meal!

　　“什么?你瘋了嗎?我們的房子亂糟糟的，我很久沒有買過東西回來了，所有的碗碟都是臟的，還有，我可不想做一餐累死人的晚飯。”

　　I know all that.

　　“這些我全都知道。”

　　Then why did you invite a friend for supper?

　　“那你為什么還要邀請(qǐng)朋友回來吃晚飯?”

　　Because the poor fools thinking about getting married.

　　“因?yàn)槟莻€(gè)可憐的笨蛋正考慮要結(jié)婚呢。”

　　(二)

　　向肖伯納求婚 Marriage Proposal to Bernard Shaw

　　Once a beautiful and dissolute British actress wrote to propose marriage to Bernard Shaw. Shesaid she did not mind Bernard Shaw’s old age and ugliness because he was a genius. And ifthey could combine the beauty of the woman with the talents of the great man，that would begreatly harmonious. “With your wisdom and my appearance，our children must be perfect.”

　　英國(guó)有位美貌風(fēng)流的女演員，曾寫信向肖伯納求婚。她說，因?yàn)樗莻€(gè)天才，她不嫌肖伯納年邁丑陋。假如能使女郎的美貌和超人的天才結(jié)合，那該是多么協(xié)調(diào)啊。“咱們的后代有你的智慧和我的美貌，那一定是十全十美了。”

　　Bernard Shaw answered，in a letter，that her imagination was splendid，“But，what if thechildren take my appearance and your wisdom?”

　　肖伯納給她回了一封信說，她的想象很是美妙，“可是，假如生下的孩子外貌象我，而智慧又象你，那又該怎么辦呢?”