冷笑話是近幾年新興的一種語(yǔ)言現(xiàn)象,它輕松詼諧、別具一格。下面小編整理了超短超簡(jiǎn)單英文笑話，希望大家喜歡!

　　超短超簡(jiǎn)單英文笑話摘抄

　　原來(lái)如此 That's Why

　　Jimmy started painting when he was three years old, and when he was five, he was already verygood at it. He painted many beautiful and interesting pictures, and people paid a lot of moneyfor them. They said, "This boy's going to be famous when he's little older, and then we're goingto sell these pictures for a lot more money." Jimmy's pictures were different from other people'sbecause he never painted on all of the paper. He painted on half of it, and the other half wasalways empty. "That's very clever," everyone said, "Nobody else does that!" One day somebodybought one of Jimmy's pictures and then said to him, "Please tell me this, Jimmy. Why do youpaint on the bottom half of your pictures, but not on the top half?" "Because I'm small," Jimmysaid, "and my burshes don't reach very high."

　　吉米三歲開始畫畫，五歲時(shí)已經(jīng)畫得很好了。他畫了很多美麗而有趣的畫，人們出高價(jià)購(gòu)買。他們說(shuō)，“這個(gè)孩子長(zhǎng)大一點(diǎn)肯定會(huì)出名，我們可以靠這些畫大賺一筆。” 吉米的畫與眾不同。因?yàn)樗麖膩?lái)不在整張紙上作畫。他只畫一半的紙，而另一半他總空著。 “構(gòu)思多么巧妙啊!”大家都說(shuō)，“從來(lái)沒(méi)有人這么做過(guò)。” 有一天，一個(gè)人買了吉米的畫，然后問(wèn)他：“請(qǐng)告訴我，吉米，你為什么總是在紙的下半部分畫畫，而不是在紙的上半部分?” 吉米說(shuō)，“因?yàn)槲覀€(gè)頭小，夠不著上面。”

　　超短超簡(jiǎn)單英文笑話鑒賞

　　天氣預(yù)報(bào) Weather forecast

　　A film crew was on location deep in the desert. One day an old Indian went up to the directorand said, "It will rain tomorrow." The next day it rained.

　　一個(gè)電影攝制組在沙漠深處進(jìn)行拍攝。一天，一個(gè)印度老人來(lái)到導(dǎo)演面前對(duì)他說(shuō)：“明天會(huì)下雨。”第二天果然下雨了。

　　A week later, the Indian went up to the director again and said, "There will be a stormtomorrow." The next day there was a storm.

　　一周以后，印度人又來(lái)了，他告訴導(dǎo)演說(shuō)：“明天會(huì)有暴風(fēng)雨。”果然，第二天有暴風(fēng)雨。

　　"This Indian is incredible," said the director. He told his secretary to hire the Indian to predictthe weather.

　　“這個(gè)印度人真神，”導(dǎo)演說(shuō)。他告訴他的秘書去雇傭這個(gè)印度人來(lái)預(yù)測(cè)天氣。

　　However, after several successful predictions, the old Indian didn't show up for two weeks.

　　然而，幾次預(yù)測(cè)天氣成功之后，這個(gè)印度人連續(xù)兩周沒(méi)有露面。

　　Finally the director sent for him. "I have to shoot an important scene tomorrow," said thedirector. "And I'm depending on you. What will the weather be like?"

　　最后，導(dǎo)演派人把這個(gè)印度人請(qǐng)來(lái)了。導(dǎo)演對(duì)他說(shuō)：“我明天必須拍攝一個(gè)很重要的場(chǎng)景，全都指望你了，明天天氣如何啊?”

　　The Indian shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know," he said. "My radio is broken."

　　這個(gè)印度人聳了聳肩說(shuō)道：“我不知道，我的收音機(jī)壞了。”

　　超短超簡(jiǎn)單英文笑話賞析

　　研究生班和本科生的區(qū)別

　　"I can always tell a graduate class from an undergraduate class," observed the instructor in oneof my graduate engineering courses at California State University in Los Angeles.

　　"When I say, 'Good afternoon,' the undergraduates respond, 'Good afternoon." But thegraduate students just write it down."

　　“研究生班和本科生很容易就能區(qū)別開來(lái)，”在洛杉磯加利福利亞州立大學(xué)給我們研究生上工程學(xué)課的老師如此說(shuō)。

　　“我說(shuō)‘下午好’，本科生們回答說(shuō)‘下午好’。研究生們則把我說(shuō)的話記在筆記本上。”

　　超短超簡(jiǎn)單英文笑話欣賞

　　Three pastors

　　Three pastors in the south were having lunch in a diner. One said, "You know, since summerstarted I’ve been having trouble with bats in my loft and attic at church. I’ve tried everything----noise, spray, cats----nothing seems to scare them away. "

　　Another said, "Yes, me too. I’ve got hundreds living in my belfry and in the attic. I’ve been hadthe place fumigated, and they still won’t go away. "

　　The third said,"I baptized all mine, and made them members of the church...haven’t seen oneback since!"

　　三個(gè)牧師的故事

　　三個(gè)南部的牧師在一家小餐館里吃午飯。其中的一個(gè)說(shuō)道：“你們知道嗎，自從夏天來(lái)臨，我的教堂的閣樓和頂樓就被蝙蝠騷擾，我用盡了一切辦法----噪音、噴霧、貓----似乎什么都不能把它們趕走。”

　　另外一位說(shuō)：“是啊，我也是。在我的鐘樓和閣樓也有好幾百只。我曾經(jīng)請(qǐng)人把整個(gè)地方用煙熏消毒一遍，它們還是趕不走。”

　　第三個(gè)牧師說(shuō)：“我為我那里的所有蝙蝠洗禮，讓它們成為教會(huì)的一員……從此一只也沒(méi)有再回來(lái)過(guò)。”

　　超短超簡(jiǎn)單英文笑話品味

　　到底誰(shuí)欠誰(shuí)錢

　　A lawyer's dog, running about unleashed, beelines for a butcher shop and steals a roast.Butcher goes to lawyer's office and asks, "If a dog running unleashed steals a piece of meatfrom my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog's owner?" Thelawyer answers, "Absolutely." "Then you owe me .50. Your dog was loose and stole a roastfrom me today." The lawyer, without a word, writes the butcher a check for .50. Severaldays later, the butcher opens the mail and finds an envelope from the lawyer: 0 due for aconsultation.

　　律師的狗，沒(méi)有拴而到處閑逛，它來(lái)到一家肉店，偷走了一塊烤肉。店主來(lái)到律師的辦公室，問(wèn)道“如果一條沒(méi)栓的狗從我的商店里偷了塊肉，我有權(quán)利從狗的主人那里要回?fù)p失嗎?律師答道：“完全可以”，“那你欠我8.50美元，你的狗沒(méi)栓而且今天從我的店里頭了塊肉”，律師什么都沒(méi)說(shuō)，馬上給他寫了一張支票。一些天后，店主打開郵箱，發(fā)現(xiàn)一封來(lái)自律師的信，信上寫道：咨詢費(fèi)250美元。