雙語(yǔ)幽默爆笑笑話

　　看看英文幽默笑話和一些讓人笑破肚皮的搞笑小品,讓自己好好放松一下。

　　1、The last chance

　　最后的機(jī)會(huì)

　　The God decided to create “woman”,and he should take a rib from Adam.

　　上帝決定創(chuàng)造”女人”,但他須要從亞當(dāng)那得到一支肋骨.

　　He gave Adam some sleeping-pills smilely,said:”Adam,enjoy the sleepy,this is the last chance that U could enjoy a peacefully sleep without any noise.”

　　他給了亞當(dāng)一些安眠藥,微笑地對(duì)他說(shuō):”亞當(dāng),盡情享受睡眠吧, 這是你最后一次可以享受這種安靜,沒有噪音的睡覺機(jī)會(huì)了.

　　2、In the Eden,Adam told the God:”I’m lonely,I need a company.”

　　“Ok,”said the God,”I will give U a perfect woman,beautiful smart and gentle.She will cook clean and do everything for U,without any complaint and question.”

　　“Sounds good,”Adam said,”But,to make such a good lady,WHAT is the cost?”

　　“One arm and One leg.”

　　“OH,expensive!”after thought for a while,Adam asked:”How about just one RIB?”

　　2.在天堂里,亞當(dāng)對(duì)上帝說(shuō):”我太寂寞了,我須要一個(gè)人陪我.”

　　“好的”,上帝答到.”我將要給你一個(gè)完美的女人,美麗,聰明而且溫柔,她將毫無(wú)怨言地為你燒飯,為你做一切事情.”

　　“那太好了.” 亞當(dāng)說(shuō)道.”但是,要做出這么一個(gè)完美的女士,我須要付出什么呢?”

　　“一只手和一條腿.”

　　“噢,那代價(jià)太大了!”想了一會(huì),亞當(dāng)接著問(wèn):” 一根肋骨怎么樣?”

　　3、The brave heart

　　A millionaire called on all the bachelors in the city to his home , and take them to a big pool that lived some crocodiles

　　”I want to find a brave heart,let me see who dare to jump into this pool and swim to the other side--------he will be my son-in-low,get all my fortune and my beautiful daughter.”

　　Sex! But……Every man looked at each other,with a pale and red face.None dare.

　　Suddenly, with a “PUTON”,a bachelor jumped into the water,God! He swam towards the other side with a crazy speed!And,with the very lighting speed,he touched the side,and climbed on without even awaking the crocodiles!

　　The millionaire go ahead and hold his hand:Congratulations !What a brave heart!I suppose U wanna my daughter so much!

　　“Not at all!”the guy cried,”I just wanna know who son of a bitch pushed me into the poor just now!!”

　　3.勇士

　　有一個(gè)百萬(wàn)富翁召集了城里所有的單身漢去他家里,并且?guī)е麄儊?lái)到一個(gè)全是鱷魚的池子邊.

　　“我希望能找到一個(gè)勇士,我想看看誰(shuí)敢跳下這個(gè)池子并且游到對(duì)面------他將會(huì)成為我的女婿,得到我所有的財(cái)產(chǎn)和我美麗的女兒.

　　女人! 但是…..每個(gè)人都無(wú)力的, 臉紅紅的,你看著我,我看著你,沒一個(gè)人敢跳下去.

　　突然,”撲嗵”一聲,天哪! 有個(gè)單身漢跳了下去,他以驚人的速度使勁地向?qū)γ嬗稳?就像光速一樣,他到達(dá)了對(duì)岸,并爬上岸,還沒有驚醒沉睡著的鱷魚.

　　這個(gè)富翁走上前去握住他的手: “恭喜你! 勇士,我想你一定非常喜歡我女兒.”

　　“一點(diǎn)也不,”小伙子答到.”我只想知道,剛才是哪個(gè)龜兒子把我推下池子的.”

　　4 .

　　A software engineer bought his son a basketball, and his son asked, “Where is the manual?”

　　軟件工程師給兒子買了一個(gè)籃球，兒子問(wèn)，“使用手冊(cè)在哪兒?”

　　注：兒子受了老爸很大的影響。

　　5 .

　　Elevator operator: This is the fifth floor, son.

　　Child: How dare you call me son. We’re not related.

　　Elevator operator: Humph! I brought you up didn’t I?

　　電梯操作員：孩子，這是第五層.

　　小孩：你憑什么叫我孩子，我們倆又沒關(guān)系。

　　電梯操作員：我把你帶上來(lái)的(我把你養(yǎng)大的)，是不是?