摘錄:控制狂們通常不知道自己是控制狂。他們認(rèn)為自己提出“建設(shè)性意見”或干脆直接把別人的活兒攬過來做，全是因?yàn)?ldquo;別人沒法勝任”，而自己是在好心幫忙。然而他們卻完全忽略了自己真實(shí)表現(xiàn)出來的癥狀——極度焦慮。

　　精彩文章:你也是“控制狂”嗎

　　You might not know it, but your controlling behaviors are making people around you batty. Here are a few ways to ease up already。

　　Control freaks rarely know that they are one. They believe that they are helping people with their “constructive criticism” or taking over a project because “no one else will do it right.” They don't see their controlling behaviors as symptoms of what's really going on--their own anxiety has run amuck。

　　你的控制狂行為已經(jīng)讓你身邊的人抓狂了，而你很可能毫不自知!這篇文章將告訴你如何減輕癥狀。

　　首先，控制狂們通常不知道自己是控制狂。他們認(rèn)為自己提出“建設(shè)性意見”或干脆直接把別人的活兒攬過來做，全是因?yàn)?ldquo;別人沒法勝任”，而自己是在好心幫忙。然而他們卻完全忽略了自己真實(shí)表現(xiàn)出來的癥狀——極度焦慮。

　　Irrational thoughts abound in our high stress world: If I don't get this contract, I'll get fired. If I'm not home by 6:00, I'm a terrible parent. If I don't get that raise, I suck at my job. All of these thoughts might be true, but probably not。

　　當(dāng)人極度緊張時，他的腦子里會填滿了荒.唐的想法，比如：如果我談不成這筆單子，我就會被解雇;如果我晚6點(diǎn)還沒到家，我就是個不稱職的家長[微博];如果我沒得到那個加薪機(jī)會，說明我的工作表現(xiàn)爛極了。這些想法中，有些的確可能發(fā)生，有些毫無根據(jù)。

　　Rather than tackle our own irrational thinking and massage it into more realistic thinking, we attempt to control the situation, usually by trying to control other people. Want to know if you're a control freak? Here are eight signs for your self-diagnosing pleasure。

　　為了不讓糟糕的假設(shè)變成現(xiàn)實(shí)，我們得試著去控制局面。如何控制呢?通常的做法是：控制別人。想知道自己是不是不知不覺中成了控制狂?看看以下8大特點(diǎn)中，自己占了幾項吧。

　　1. You believe that if someone would change one or two things about themselves, you'd be happier. So you try to “help them” change this behavior by pointing it out, usually over and over。

　　你一直覺得如果別人能改掉一兩個缺點(diǎn)的話，你就會活得更開心。于是，你一遍又一遍地指出他們的缺點(diǎn)，以“幫助”他們改正。

　　2. You micromanage others to make them fit your (often unrealistic) expectations. You don't believe in imperfection and you don't think anyone else should either。

　　你事無巨細(xì)地改變他人，以達(dá)到自己心目中的最高(不現(xiàn)實(shí)的)期望。你從來不相信“不完美”的存在，同樣地，你要求周遭的人也得摒棄那些不完美。

　　3. You judge others' behavior as right or wrong and passive-aggressively withhold attention until they fall in line with your expectations. Sitting in silent judgment is a master form of control。

　　你對他人的評判非黑即白;你善于應(yīng)用消極攻擊法，忍氣吞聲，直到對方最終達(dá)到你心目中的要求。“喜歡不動聲色地暗中評判”是控制狂的顯著特征之一。

　　4. You offer “constructive criticism” as a veiled attempt to advance your own agenda。

　　為了滿足自己的議程表，你時常不動聲色地提供“建設(shè)性意見”。

　　5. You change who you are or what you believe so that someone will accept you. Instead of just being yourself, you attempt to incept others by managing their impression of you。

　　為了使別人接受自己，你愿意改變自己原本的樣子和信仰。與其以原本相貌坦誠面對他人，你更愿意通過改變自身形象，達(dá)到操控別人的目的。

　　6. You present worst-case scenarios in an attempt to influence someone away from certain behaviors and toward others. This is also called fear mongering。

　　為了感化他人，使其改掉某些習(xí)慣，你不惜動用一切手段。這種方法也稱為“恐懼散布法”。

　　7. You have a hard time with ambiguity and being OK with not knowing something。你對模棱兩可的事物接受度極低;你同樣不允許“不知情”的情況在自己身上發(fā)生。

　　8. You intervene on behalf of people by trying to explain or dismiss their behaviors to others。

　　You believe that if you can change another person's undesirable behavior, then you will be happier or more fulfilled. You make someone else responsible for how you feel。

　　你通過解釋或忽視他人的言行，以達(dá)到干預(yù)別人的效果。“如果我能改變別人，讓他去做從前不愿意做的事情，那我便能從中得到快樂、充實(shí)的感覺。”對此你深信不疑。你無形中把自己的情緒建立在了別人的身上。

　　The thing is, you are only responsible for you. The road to better relationships alwaysstarts with you. Rather than attempt to control everyone else, work on becoming a better version of yourself. Here are a few ideas:

　　但事實(shí)是：你只能對自己負(fù)責(zé)。若想和他們擁有美好的關(guān)系，你必須檢視自己。與其控制他人，不如改善自己。以下是一些小貼士：

　　Be vulnerable with people。

　　偶爾也要示弱。

　　Never compromise your self-respect by altering your core beliefs。

　　永遠(yuǎn)不要為了達(dá)到目標(biāo)而委屈自己的尊嚴(yán)和信仰。

　　Be realistic about your expectations of others。

　　接受現(xiàn)實(shí)，勇敢面對別人與自己高期待的差距。

　　Quit the passive-aggressive nonsense--be direct。

　　杜絕消極攻擊行為，有話直說。

　　Accept that a large portion of life is laced with unknowns。

　　生命的很大一部分是由未知決定的——接受現(xiàn)實(shí)吧。

　　Embrace confrontation--it really is sometimes the only thing you can do。

　　擁抱對峙——因?yàn)槌擞赂颐鎸?，很多時候你并沒有更好的辦法。

　　Take responsibility for your own happiness。

　　為自己的快樂負(fù)責(zé)。

　　If you work on your own improvement instead of trying to control others, healthier relationships at work, as well as everywhere else, will then come to you as a result。

　　若你能改掉控制他人的想法，轉(zhuǎn)而改進(jìn)自身，你會發(fā)現(xiàn)工作中、生活中等一切的人際關(guān)系，似乎都漸漸變得更為美好了。